


Othering the Celts

by RembrandtsWife



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Druids, F/M, Kissing, Mistletoe, bullshitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 09:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8838556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RembrandtsWife/pseuds/RembrandtsWife
Summary: Pliny's Natural History is the source of the association between Druids and mistletoe.





	

"So Pliny says in his Natural History that the druids in Gaul used to collect mistletoe around the winter solstice--but only if it grew on an oak, right? Because the oak is fucking sacred to those sky-father type gods, and mistletoe on the oak is, like, lightning left by the god, or, shit, maybe divine sperm, chyeah, sacred spooge on a tree. So the druids would sacrifice two white bulls under this tree and get some poor bastard to climb up there with a fucking golden sickle, which, what, you can't get a fucking cutting edge on gold, it musta been, I dunno, gilded bronze? To climb up there with a sickle and cut the mistletoe at the first quarter of the moon nearest to the solstice. Which musta also been fuckin' COLD, at least by Roman standards. The thing you have to remember, though, is that the Romans were always exoticizing the Celts, othering them, like white Protestants talking about the evils of Voodoo in Haiti when in fact--"

"Shitty?"

"Yeah, Lards?"

"Shut up and kiss me."


End file.
